The Mirror in Our Minds
I am confident I am not the only one who has been told that if other people do not acknowledge a trait you’re trying to advance, it’s probably because you are not doing it right. To some extent, this is correct, but it is not entirely true in other circumstances. The other day, I was listening to Josh Johnson, and he said that as a child, you see the world as black and white. You only understand extremes and ignore nuances. That’s how the brain of a child functions. For example, if you get rejected by your friends, you deem that rejection as a consequence of your innate traits, such as being ugly and unlikable. If you continue in this mentality without having an adult counter such thoughts, you end up believing that you are innately a horrible person and incapable of functioning in social settings.
A Flower in the Wrong Garden
In high school, I surrounded myself with people who were extremists in every aspect. They established one way of living without room for manoeuvring. It was so claustrophobic. Every now and then, I found myself rubbing shoulders with these individuals. I was talented in whatever they needed to advance the goal of the group. This made it hard for them to discard me. Regardless, we were at odds most time. I used to associate with everyone in school, even those who were deemed rotten tomatoes. The group always warned me against such companies because they would exert their influence on a perfectly blossomed flower. I knew this to be true, but I didn’t isolate myself entirely. I treated these people as humans and interacted with them occasionally. My time was not entirely dedicated to knowing them, but if we bumped into each other in the corridor, I did not drop my gaze or flinch when they reached out for a hug.
Cracks in the Cloister
There was this one time the school had organized a retreat for the final year students. We would visit a center to learn, re-energize, and let off steam. The management understood that we were tense due to the final exam approaching fast. When the intention for the trip was announced, I was excited beyond anything I could explain. Reason being we were a very strict boarding school with no access to the outside world. Food was limited to whatever the school provided, and best believe the options were few. Three months locked up with teenagers and eating only three meals does something to your brain. I knew the retreat meant we could buy whatever we wanted, eat as much as possible, and see the world outside the restraints of the school walls. I immediately registered for the retreat and started preparing for the D-Day. The group I was in had decided they would not go for the retreat because, apparently, there was some sort of indoctrination that would occur during the trip. They planted so much fear in us that more and more people dropped out. Their unwillingness to attend attracted the principal’s attention. I feared that woman to the core. She was short and angry. She would slap the insanity out of any lunatic. I never wanted to get on her bad side. The group was criticized for their decision, but they continued. Eventually, those who registered went for the retreat, and boy, did we have fun. It was such a relaxing moment in my life. One of the good moments that I will remember from my high school.
The Shape of My Faith
Years have passed since high school, and I still see particles of the group’s influence in strangers. Social media has advanced the visibility of these ideologies. The other day, I was listening to someone speak and they said, “If you are a Christian and others can’t tell, you’re probably not.” This statement has been thrown around too many times and I have been hooked severally. I would hear such words and be filled with such guilt and shame because I did not have the Christian aura that some people possessed. I talked too much, laughed out loud, loved living well, and enjoyed random things with little thought of their spirituality. I looked at the world with little thought of what happened behind the scenes.
Echoes of an Inherited Gaze
When I joined my current workplace, I met this girl who later became a close friend. One day, she told me that I didn’t look like the typical Christian girl. I was curious to know why she thought that way. She was unable to explicitly explain why she perceived me that way. However, she identified someone in the group who looked like a Christian. Her perception of Christianity was shaped by the environment she grew up in. She viewed Christian girls as dull people with zero personality. To some extent, it meant they were unintelligent and had zero opinions about the world. Contrary to this, I answered most questions during the training and gave examples of things that weren’t popularly known. I demonstrated behaviors that were contrary to what she tagged as Christian.
Selling the Mirror Back to Me
In the fitness community, there are varying views of how one should look after a period of working out. When I was starting out, I fell under the deception that one month was enough to lose fat and become toned. I did two-week challenges and got no results. I cut carbs from my diet and still looked the same. I felt discouraged. Many people I met were ignorant in their views. They would throw around comments of doing extreme cardio to lose weight or eating vegetables until they sprout out of your orifices. Some were keen to mention that “if you have been working out for a year and you still weigh the same, you probably haven’t been doing anything.” Such thoughts are the reason we have eating disorders and body dysmorphia. Someone who hates themselves or wants to benefit from you hating yourself is propagating ideas that will help them reach these goals. Josh Johnson said those who want you to hate yourself probably want to sell something to you. A good example would be if you hate the way you look, you will probably buy their workout program. Unfortunately, that program may not be the solution that solves all your problems. On top of hating yourself, you will feel like a loser for not changing the way you desired.
This Body, This Faith, This Me
Bottom line is perception matters more than you imagine. If I don’t look like a Christian to you, you probably are looking at me through the mirrors of your bias. I have examined myself through the standards of God’s word, and I know that I strive to improve every day in my walk with him. If that fails to meet the standard of Christianity that you have set for yourself, it absolutely has nothing to do with me. The same goes for working out. I have been working out for two years now. I may not look like the perfect pilates princess that you have seasoned yourself to see, but I am fit regardless. Truth is, I will never be like a supermodel. My height is the first thing that would stand in my way of being one. However, I have not stepped into a hospital since 2020. I have only struggled with occasional flus. Considering all these things, I am perfectly healthy, and this is the goal that I was chasing all along. Of course, I cannot undermine the need to look good, but that is a metric I will establish for myself and not fall under the misconstrued and misguided perceptions of other people. Life has too many nuances, and noticing these will exponentially enhance its quality.